12/30/10 - Hello and Goodbye to Logan

At 1pm today we delivered a stillborn baby boy. He was only 6.5 ounces and 7.75 inches long. He was perfectly formed with all his tiny fingers and toes but the cord had been wrapped around his neck at least twice. So that's why he did not survive, and I'm not sure how comforting that knowledge is. It is a rare and random occurrence and I know I can't blame myself, but I can't help feeling that I should have noticed something was wrong. At the first ultrasound he had been jumping around in the womb and doing what looked like somersaults and he must have eventually just gotten himself tangled up. The delivery was very easy physically, no pain medication or interference was needed other than inducing labor. We got to spend 3 precious hours with him before we left the hospital. While I was in labor I crocheted a tiny white blanket, about the size of a kleenex, and it was more than enough to cover him. We left him with the hospital for burial. As difficult as it was, I am comforted to know that his spirit had already long ago returned to Heavenly Father and all that we were holding was the shell of his mortal body. I have never experienced something so terrible and amazing at the same time. His name is Logan Ehren Tharp. Paul chose the first name and I chose the middle name... it sounds just like "Aaron" and it means "honor" in German. We are healing and focusing on all the many blessings remaining in our lives.